Unlock the secrets to conquering business fears with the wisdom of our guest, Sue Bryce, a visionary in photography and education.
IE 431: Overcoming the Fear of Rejection in Business with Sue Bryce
Sue Bryce is a New Zealander who lives in the U.S. She has been a professional photographer for 35 years.
Fifteen years ago, she started speaking and teaching workshops in her industry all around the world. In 2015, she built an online education platform for photographers to teach them how to create a business and monetize.
She currently teaches workshops in person and online for public speaking, content curation, personal brand, and self-value. Her website is SueBryce.com.
What do you believe is the root cause of the fear of rejection, especially in the business world?
When you coach people who are starting a business, fear is the biggest thing you are coaching but ultimately, it is the fear of rejection. If you just say fear, it is too big. Fear is an emotion but it is hard-wired into us like instinct.
When the instinct flares, it feels like it is in every part of your body. It stops us. It is a fear of rejection. It comes down to biology. As business owners, when we first get started, it can be that rejection but also failure.
So many of us are afraid of failure, which shows we were not able to do it move on, or create that business that we always wanted for our families and ourselves.
Why do you think rejection feels so personal, even when it’s just “business”?
Let’s talk about failure in business. Sue has seen a lot of businesses start and a lot of businesses fail.
What are you failing? You are failing people pleasing. You are failing to look good to someone else that you think wants you to be successful. Maybe you are failing in something that you didn’t want to do for yourself anyway.
There are so many levels to business. Even if you are bankrupting your business so that you are not paying any of your debtors, you might see that as a failure. The law might be that you cannot have another business license for five years. But people who bankrupt their businesses still find ways to start businesses.
Failure is an idea of what you are holding on to and that comes from the expectations of other people. Failure is pointless. You are going to learn every time you fall.
Sue was never afraid of failing. She was always afraid of rejection.
The reason you are afraid of rejection, biologically, is because if the “tribe” rejects you, you are out. If you are out, there is no survival mechanism there.
When it comes to business, we put ourselves out there and fully believe that we are being personally rejected and they are saying you are not good enough. We have all this imposter syndrome and fear.
When we start, we are looking for validation instead of giving service. Everyone knows that as soon as you are making money, you are giving service and not looking for constant validation. You work from a different confidence.
It is so crazy that we get wrapped up in this fear because it holds people back and stops them from earning an income and building a business that they really want.
Jenny tells people to go back to the idea of how you are impacting others by not giving them your messaging, sell, and put out the solution that you offer for the problem that you are serving your people with.
If you focus on service and stop focusing on if you are good enough, you are making it about them and not making it about you.
If you are wrapped up in fear constantly, you are making it about you and not providing a service. That isn’t someone who people are attracted to working with. That is someone who constantly needs to be validated. We have all been there.
It wasn’t until Sue started selling that she realized she had no self-value. She was able to fake networking and pretend her business was successful even though she just started. She could not fake selling.
Selling is where big rejection comes from. The idea that people are selling themselves is how it gets twisted. You have to ask for money for what you do.
What strategies can entrepreneurs use to build resilience against rejection?
Turn everything that you do into a service for others. Anytime that you feel rejected or think this is about you, you have to stop and do some work to decide if this is really about you.
Criticism only hurts when it is true inside of you. Rejection is no different. When you feel rejected, you have to stop and say “Did they reject me, or was I unpolished in my delivery or my pitch? Did I not come in with good energy?”
Business is an equal exchange of value. If you are trying to get validation, you are not giving an equal exchange of value. You have to turn it all into service and start giving it and then asking for an equal exchange of value and money in return.
The hard part for people is they offer a service and it is difficult to determine that it was their delivery. It was their email copy. They need to know that before deciding it was them that was invaluable and not the product. They may have only done one post on Instagram and then they got afraid of selling.
Always ask “What does your audience know about you? Are you hiding in your brand?” What does your audience know about your product? Do they know how to use it, how to share it, why it is amazing, why it is incredible, how you use it, and why you love it? Do they know all of that?
Sell everything but the product. When you come to the table, you need to be able to tell what you bring to the table that is valuable or you won’t be valuable in the conversation or the room. You are pitching or asking for something instead of telling them what you bring, what you have, what you do, and how you do it.
In your social media, you must constantly show people what you do, how you do it, and why you love it so people can connect with the how and the why. That makes them want to work with you because you are giving.
It is your unique value proposition. How do you stand apart from everyone else in your industry and stand out from your competitors? What makes you unique and different from them?
Are there any common mistakes people make in their approach to rejection?
People are not very good at positioning themselves as an authority in their business. Women in particular come to it with less than a business mindset.
It is great to give hugs and be friendly but in the end, you want to make money and grow. To do that, you have to position yourself as an authority in your business and as someone important in your industry. Women are terrible at doing that. We try to be humble and sweet.
We need to position ourselves as someone of importance. As soon as we position ourselves that way, we have the respect of the listener as someone who has done the work and walks the talk.
Sit down and ask yourself when you are the most powerful in your business. Is my identity strongly communicated in your brand? If it is not, put yourself out there as someone with knowledge, someone with skill, and someone with good energy.
When people come to your space, you can take control and people instantly feel served. Own who you are in your business. Own your name. Stop hiding behind other team members. Stand up and take full power of who you are. Then, come to the space with what you offer and the value you bring to the table.
That is the energy you walk into a meeting with and use to write every email. Know who you are. Know what you want. Don’t be afraid to be confident to ask for things you want.
Understand how you can provide that solution for your audience. What makes you different? How will you deliver it? How does it make an impact? You think if you are being sweet and nice, everyone will like you.
What you are doing is solving their problems. If you confidently go out there and say “This is what I do. This is how I solve this problem. This is how I take something you are afraid of or scared to do and I do it.” If I show you that I am the voice of authority in this industry or genre others can come to me confidently. I am going to solve your problems for you.
We want people who will give us their money and we will confidently give them a service in return. We make the mistake of being too sweet, too humble, or not proud enough to stand up and let people know we have the goods. Owning who you are is the biggest thing you can do.
Anyone can hop on social media and proclaim that they are the best person for the solution that they provide when they don’t have that experience. They don’t know how they are different in their delivery or why people relate to them.
People can sense authenticity. When someone is not being authentic in their voice or their message, it is stinky. The ability to ask for an income and keep it is intrinsically tied to your self-value and what you believe you are worth.
If you truly want to elevate your income and your business, start acting like you have the ultimate self-value, that you love yourself, and will put yourself out there confidently with an authentic voice.
What you are projecting should be in alignment with who you are and what you do. People can feel that. When you film something and you can’t watch it, it is not authentic to you. You can watch yourself when you are authentic because you feel the energy. You don’t look at your face or worry about how you look to other people. You speak from the core and it is very palpable.
How can someone build confidence to face potential rejection head-on?
It starts with how you introduce yourself. Are you introducing yourself from a place of fear, validation, or confidence?
Your 3 by 3 is your elevator pitch. It is who you are, what you do, and who you do it for. My name is Sue Bryce. I am a speaker and educator. I teach workshops in person and online. My great passion is monetizing solopreneurs and teaching them how to walk their true path in business.
It is about finding your identity. Once you do that, you curate that around who you are. You can start any conversation with that confidence. As soon as people hear it and see it, they love authenticity and confidence more than anything.
Start with claiming your identity and positioning yourself as someone who is more than you see right now. You are someone who speaks on podcasts or speaks on stage or at networking events, someone who stands up in front of other business owners and shows them the way. Whatever it is that you are elevating yourself to do, start positioning yourself there first.
Once you own it, you won’t be coming to the platform with a lack of confidence and imposter syndrome. You will be coming up with a solid idea of who you are.
Remember, if someone rejects you or doesn’t like you, they are saying “No, thank you” or “Not now.” If they don’t see the value in it, you don’t keep trying to give them more value, you simply look for people who see the value.
If nobody sees the value, there might not be any value in this product. You will find out when you start selling it.
A lot of people won’t create a product because that means they have to put themselves out there and sell something. They are so scared of rejection that they won’t finish a product. Many people just think about different things and never create them.
Marketing is not selling. Marketing is sharing, engaging, empowering, and showing up.
Selling is getting someone to a yes or no answer. Would you like to buy this product? Yes or no? Up until the moment they say no, you are not rejected.
You think they didn’t like you enough or give you enough time to talk. You are basing it on yourself instead of the numbers you have to move to sell products to clients. Infuse everything with self-value, and belief in yourself and your product.
Finish the product and then go and start selling it. If it is not selling, it is either not connected to you yet or it isn’t connected to the audience yet. You have not communicated to the audience how amazing this product is.
Stop marketing and start selling. Stop trying to sell on social media or people will unfollow you. Just build your audience on social media.
Build a list of the audience that you can sell to privately. Show off. Share. Give as much as you can on social media. Connect to people and be authentic. Grow your list.
You are not for everyone. That is okay. When you can get to the point when you can say that, you will attract the people that want you. We think we need to be for everyone because no one likes being disliked.
The more of a people pleaser you are, the more you will hate being disliked. You cannot people please an audience. Not everyone wants your product and service. That is okay. We think everyone should like our product but that is not how it works.
If you try on multiple dresses and you don’t like any of them, the sales clerk isn’t upset. People are going to say no to you. You don’t want to be for everyone. You want to learn to screen people to stop the ones you don’t want.
People also want to get money from anyone. You don’t want that. You want the product to connect with the person who is paying for it. Who wants and needs this product? That is the person who is paying you and who you should honor with the way you speak and the way you serve.
Soon you will forget who is rejecting you and you will reject others. Rejection breeds obsession.
Connect to yourself and connect to your product. If you can’t do that, you aren’t going to make money. If you feel bad about yourself, money, or your product, you are going to have a bad energy day in your business. You might as well take the day off, go restore yourself, and come back another day with love. It will change how you work, see yourself, and how you ask for equal exchange.
3 by 3 guide
This is a PDF with prompts to write your 3 by 3. Your 3 by 3 is your elevator pitch. It is who you are, what you do, and who you do it for.
It will challenge you to write it creatively. It will challenge you to use ChatGPT and write 10 different ones; one that is aggressive, one that is more powerful, and one that is assertive. You will take the best words from these and use them.
You want yours to stand out from everyone else’s. It will change each time you use it to make it more interesting. This will teach you that your first introduction is your identity. You need to have a confident 3 by 3 to connect to who you are and define your audience.
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